This is a reply to an insightful and heartfelt video essay by xkcdHatGuy titled "Acting as the collective's psychologist for 25 minutes"
Thanks for another thoughtful video essay xkcdHatGuy. As far as your thoughts and feelings, I'm with you in many ways, and I would like to let your keen thoughts stand on their own. I feel for you and other people who feel the same way at times. So I won't go on about the parts I agree with and how astute and relatable your perceptions are here. I just really appreciate you taking the time to put together your ideas in general, and this was a fun one.
Regarding some of your thoughts, which I felt was partly about social norms, you might want to separately ponder on and ask yourself the following couple of questions. I was thinking about them and came up with them myself while listening to you. I'd be interested to hear any thoughts or answers you or others have to these questions or my thoughts on them, which I admit are likely complete nonsense and incorrect answers to the questions I bring up below.
1. Why? Why does the average person confine themselves to social norms?
Theory - Sex and the desire for physical affection is the most basic reason for following social norms and the basis for the grip that capitalism, materialism, and the economy holds upon individuals today.
I agree with you that a large majority of people seem to mainly just be trying to learn what is accepted by society and follow those rules, as opposed to living naturally or deciding for themselves how to live. As you said in regards to walking around at night, I do also get a sense that this feeling and tendency may even be amplified since the pandemic started. I wonder if this may also be partly due to some of the social issues that have continually been more prevalent in western society recently, including the treatment of minorities and women. We may be in a period where some people, and young people in particular, are staying secluded and learning inside and online a bit more than the previous few generations, instead of going out and partying to find their own boundaries and what they and others feel is acceptable within their group and society.
You will come up with your own thoughts on the answer to the question of why most people so often simply follow social norms. But one theory I might have is that the main reason for the average person to follow social norms might be singularly, or at least largely due to a desire for sex and physical affection, having a mate or multiple sexual partners, and being desired and admired by people who they are interested in sexually. You could, of course, widen this to being accepted socially in general with the goal of not becoming an outcast, but I wonder if it could even be more basic than that in reality. It might also be worth noting that for many, at least at certain times in their lives, this sexual desire may also be linked with or superseded by their separate desire to have children.
In a similar way, which might be of interest to you, I wonder if it may be that the root of capitalism and materialism could also be based on the desire for sex and procreation. The desire for sex and affection could be so fundamentally important to most animals, including humans, that capitalism exists and endures because of, and feeds on that desire to get people to follow all of society's current social norms and be slaves in order to have sex or get a mate.
Of course this theory may be completely reductive and incorrect, and the reason for people following social norms might not be as simple as our desire for sex alone, but also include other factors such as a person's need for love, platonic affection, belonging, or many other reasons, including ones that have nothing to do with social connection. But according to Occam's Razor, sometimes the theory with the fewest parameters, or the simplest explanation, may be as likely to be correct or explain the situation as well as a more complicated one.
If sex was the main reason for following most social norms or even the basis of the socioeconomic system of capitalism itself, this may explain why monks, nuns, or people who have devoted themselves to religion quite often seem to naturally be a group that abstains from sex, more so than the idea that their celibacy is because they are purposely devoting themselves to a God or because of a rule directly from God for instance. Because they are not following the social norms of regular people, including living a materialistic life and having a job as part of the proletariat and working class, they may inherently need to resign themselves to potentially not having sex, which almost all people are unwilling to do.
2. Good? Can social norms be good for society instead of restricting or detrimental?
Theory - Social norms are good if we can continually create and altruistically help lead people towards norms which promote and enhance the wellbeing of individuals and the betterment of society and the world as a whole.
While people like you and I might enjoy thinking outside the box, and therefore are always questioning social norms, you might ask yourself if norms in general are inherently bad for most people and society as a whole. For instance, is it possible that some core values and principles that you yourself hold to be your most important are themselves really just social norms in disguise as well?
Is being kind, thoughtful, and considerate of others a universal truth and inherently right, or is it actually just a social norm? Is eating healthy and educating oneself to make yourself better ingrained in all animals or are they social norms which can be cultivated within people, and have further benefitted individual humans and progressed society for groups who have felt impelled for some reason to follow the norms of a healthy lifestyle and learning useful knowledge?
Instead of thinking that all social norms are bad because most people are followers who only have the intelligence or propensity to figure out what is currently socially acceptable, I wonder if we could instead be asking what role can social norms play in making life and society better. As you eloquently described, it does seem that the majority of people and animals follow social norms currently and possibly almost always have, which may explain the power of religion and religious leaders throughout history and still today for example.
However, knowing that most people may always tend to follow social norms, what should we do with that knowledge? It seems to me that some of your most insightful thoughts and ideas tend towards figuring out not what is "right" or "true" in the universe, but what is "better" or "best" for individuals, society, and our world.
Knowing that not everyone may have the capacity to be as freethinking or enlightened as someone with your intelligence and openness, I wonder if our goal should be to continue to fight against social norms that are egregious and harmful, in order to altruistically replace them with positive norms which make life and society better, and not worry quite as much about small things that people follow which don't seriously affect their wellness or the wellbeing of others.
August 21st, 2022
